Our Changed World
by Smudgie
Summary: One year after a deadly virus outbreak, a band of survivors hide from a bleak, dystopian society in the abandoned building of Sacred Heart. Kind of an ensemble fic, but JD- and Doctor Cox-centric. No slash.
1. Chapter 1

**First of all, THANK YOU to the reviewers of My Snowstorm! I can't express my gratitude at your lovely reviews. You guys seriously make me cry with happiness.**

**Anyway, this fic. I love a good dystopia!fic, and what could be more fun than one of those starring the characters of Scrubs? Not that this fic will be fun. More sort of doom and gloom. I'm having a good time writing it, even though I have absolutely no plot outline and am just going with the flow (what's new there, then?) As for updates, there'll probably be a few after this one , and then I'll most likely have to pause and think up the next bit of plot. Also, I'm starting college this week and I am TERRIFIED.**

**The story would take place when JD and his friends are in their third year at the hospital.**

**Enjoy the fic!**

**'**

**'**

**'**

**PROLOGUE**

Newbie was waiting for me at the hospital entrance, silhouetted against the lit interior. It wasn't until I had jogged up to him that I saw the fear in his eyes. He was wringing his hands together.

'What's all this about, Newbie?' I said, slightly breathless, trying to ignore the sudden sick feeling in my stomach. 'You'd better have a good reason for calling me and dragging me out here in the middle of the night.'

'It's the patients with the high fever we admitted today and yesterday, Doctor Cox. They're dying, all of them, they're dying...'

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

We could only stand and watch as patient after patient died. There was nothing we could do.

It was a virus of some kind. Most of the staff caught it and succumbed to their fevers as well. And the virus, or whatever it was, was nationwide. _Worldwide. _A person began to feel hot and weak, their temperature soared, and within two days they were dead. There was no treatment, and we had no idea how it spread.

There was nothing we could do.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The government declared a state of emergency and no one was allowed to leave the hospital. Trucks came to the hospital every day to take the bodies away. Patients were deposited on our doorstep.

I phoned Jordan.

'Stay indoors, Jordan, do you hear me? No matter what happens, you and Jack have to stay inside. I will come for you, Jordan, _I will come for you._'

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The trucks stopped coming. The TV and radio stopped broadcasting. Phone lines were down. We were stuck in a hospital full of dying people with no contact with the outside world.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

And gradually the sick patients stopped coming, leaving about fifty survivors within the hospital, some of them staff, some of them other patients who hadn't caught the virus. No one knew what to do. The city was silent and empty. No one came to us. No one contacted us

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

'Jordan? Are you there? Jordan! Open the door, please open the door!'

She opened the door. I grabbed her to me and kissed her long and hard.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

We went back the hospital. There was nothing else for us to do. We went back, back to Newbie and Carla and Ghandi and Barbie and Kelso and the rest, most of who I didn't know.

And we stayed there.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

There was gunfire outside.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

**ONE YEAR LATER**

'Stop here.'

The janitor's van skidded to a stop in the middle of the deserted street and he cut the engine. The sudden silence was unsettling; apart from the slight breeze that moaned around the vehicle and sent dead leaves scattering across the road, there was no sound. I leaned forward and peered through the dusty windshield at the distant hospital, a dark silhouette against the bleak grey sky.

I picked up the walkie-talkie and held out my hand to the janitor without looking at him. 'Give me the gun.'

'You're not getting the gun!'

'What? What are you - I don't have time for this. Give me the gun, now.'

'Oh, so because you're a doctor you automatically get the gun?' The janitor jabbed the rifle in my direction. 'I take care of Rosalie every day, but once we actually have to get down to business, you have the right to her?'

'You named the goddamn _gun_? Whatever - the reason I want the gun is because you're the one driving, and I don't care what you say, it is not possible to make a quick getaway while firing a gun at the same time. Plus, you're always too busy staring at the thing to actually keep watch.'

'Who wouldn't stare at her?' the janitor said. He turned an adoring gaze on the rifle. 'She's mine...my own..._my precious_.'

'Just keep a lookout, would ya?' I growled, staring around shiftily through the windscreen. It was making me edgy, knowing how vulnerable we were, parked in the middle of the street. We were a sitting duck, ready to be picked off at any moment. I wasn't any less nervous knowing that our only means of defense was in the hands of the janitor, especially when he was prone to an alarming habit of waving the rifle around in the air.

I kept my eyes on Sacred Heart as I held the walkie-talkie to my mouth, wondering if perhaps Jordan or Jack was peering through one of the windows in my direction at this very moment. 'Come in, Sacred Heart, this is Cox,' I said. 'There better be someone on the roof right now, because I am so not in the mood to be messed with!'

There was a pause, during which my heartbeat was suddenly very loud in my ears. The janitor turned his head slowly, his eyes widening. Then there was a crackling, followed by a very familiar voice. _'Reading you loud and clear, Doctor Cox! Over and out.'_

I froze, my eyes widening. Was that Newbie? What the hell was he doing on roof duty? I took a deep breath and forced myself to speak calmly.

'Newbie? Are _you_ on the roof?'

_'Yeah - oh wait, I can see your van. Look, can you see me waving?' _I _could_ see a tiny figure waving distantly from the hospital roof. '_Oh, and by the way, Doctor Cox, do you think you could call me Scorpio while we're talking like this? It's my new code name. Or The Hustle, I haven't quite decided which - _'

I gritted my teeth. 'Newbie, I thought I made it clear to you that you are under no circumstances allowed up there?'

'_Doctor Kelso hit me with guard duty this morning. Anyway, do you want a code name too? How about Coxer? Too obvious?'_

I was going to rip Bob's head off his shoulders and nail it to the wall. He had put Newbie up on the roof on purpose, the son of a bitch. He _knew_ that it was my explicit instruction that Newbie never, ever be put up there, a sitting target for any sniper with their eye on the place. But as I'd been gone the past two days, Kelso had evidently seen fit to defy me. To spite me, even.

'We are going to talk as soon as I get back,' I growled into the walkie-talkie, spitting the words through my teeth. 'But before I do that, you can at least do your job and tell me if the way is clear.'

_'Seems to be. A car passed this morning, but it didn't even slow down. Do you want me to send someone down to tell Stanley you're coming?'_

'Do that, Newbie.' I hesitated. I could say either _Good job _or _Now get off the damn roof_, but instead I just said, 'See you in a bit.'

'_Over and out.'_

'And stop using all that goddamn code-speak!'

I put down the walkie-talkie and the janitor eased the van forward, silently passing me the gun as he hit the accelerator. There was no bickering this time. We both had to concentrate. Neither of us said anything as the van slowly passed down the street, the blank, staring eyes of empty buildings rolling by. At least, I hoped very much that they were empty. I narrowed my eyes as I held the rifle ready in my hands, the tips of my fingers restlessly playing around the trigger. I had been caught in an ambush once before. The gunshots had come entirely out of nowhere; I had been driving along steadily, alert but not afraid, and there had been no sign of any living creature, when suddenly several deafening blasts echoed out, thousands of shards of glass exploded inwards and Doctor Wen was jerking violently in the passenger seat, blood staining rapidly across his chest. I hadn't had any choice but to hit the accelerator and get as far away from there as I could, as fast as possible. As I'd roared away, I caught sight in the mirror of three or four figures running into the street behind me, immediately taking aim, but their following shots hadn't done any harm.

By the time I thought it was safe to pull over, Wen was already slumped lifelessly, his eyes wide and staring, and there wasn't anything I could have done. I'd locked the memory of that day in the back of my mind, and never spoke of it to anyone. But what really left a strange, sick taste in my mouth was the thought that Newbie had been begging me to take him with him, and it had been a last-minute decision of mine to refuse. The horror of what could have been that day was never far from my thoughts. And now he'd been posted on the roof...

I blinked hard, trying not to imagine how exactly I would go about murdering Kelso. It would be just too ironic if, getting lost in my thoughts about how I had to stay alert because of the way Doctor Wen died, I got distracted and died in the exact same way. I'd always wanted to die ironically, but...not today. I leaned forward in my seat and continued scanning the road, the mirrors, the windows of houses, my eyes constantly roving and examining, never staying on one thing for too long. But the short journey down the street was without incident, and I let myself relax just the tiniest bit as the janitor carefully turned the van into the parking lot.

'You seem to spend a lot more time than it's worth trying not to let Scooter get killed,' the janitor remarked, pulling up. I peered towards the door of the hospital; I could see the flurry of movement inside as people worked to remove the barricades and let us through.

I shoved the gun back towards the janitor, not meeting his eyes. 'So?'

He was quiet for a minute. When I finally looked up at him, he frowned at me in a confused way and shrugged. 'Why? He's got as much chance of surviving as any of us.'

'You'd think so, wouldn't ya,' I snapped, 'but the thing is, Newbie's a damn sight more stupid than the rest of us, therefore he is more likely to get himself killed.' With that, I flung open the door and jumped out of the van. The last of the barricades had been removed from the hospital door, and an elderly man was now peering blearily at us through his glasses.

''Lo, Doctor Cox,' he called across to me in a quavering voice. 'Did you get the supplies?'

'We sure did, Stanley,' I replied, unable to stop a triumphant grin from pulling at the corners of my mouth. Doctor Cox _always_ came back from a succeeded mission. 'Send someone on down to help us with this stuff.' I couldn't resist adding, 'Because there's a lot of it.'

'I hope you're not going to take all the credit for this,' the janitor said to me as he pulled open the back doors of his van to reveal large boxes crammed in on top of each other, reaching from the floor to the ceiling. 'It was a team effort, right?'

'If by team effort you mean, I took part in hostile and dangerous negotiations while you sat in the van with the gun in your lap and all the doors locked, then yes, I can see where we really came together on this one.' I held the walkie-talkie to my mouth again. 'How's it looking, Newbie?'

'_All clear_,' came the crackle. I could just hear Newbie's real voice carried faintly on the wind; craning my neck, I saw him silhouetted on the roof, looking down at me. He waved. I growled and turned my attention back to the task at hand. As luck would have it, one of the guys who had come to help unload the supplies was that sex-crazed maniac Todd Quinlan.

'You know who else has a gun in his lap?' he was saying to the janitor.

The janitor looked at him briefly; he was leaning against the van, still keeping watch with the rifle. 'I'm guessing...that would be you.'

'Correct five!' the Todd crowed.

The janitor grimaced and shook his head.

I reached into the van and hefted a box into my arms. 'Less innuendo and more getting this job done, unless you want to die while talking about your penis. But then...' I cocked my head to one side, pretending to consider, 'you never actually _stop _talking about your penis, so it's a fairly likely scenario anyway.'

Todd pursed his lips, then grinned. 'The Todd can think of worse scenarios,' he said, nodding.

'Fair enough.' I caught the box in a tighter grip and began to make my way towards the door -

'_Doctor Cox! Doctor Cox!' _Newbie's panicked voice crackled to me from the walkie-talkie in my pocket. '_There's a man running, I mean two, two men, they've got - '_

BANG.

The box tumbled from my grasp and hit the concrete heavily, bursting open and strewing food supplies across the ground.

BANG.

Stanley, at the door, was down, he'd been hit.

Todd was diving behind the van.

I could faintly hear shocked shouts from inside the hospital.

The janitor was whirling around, his feet planted squarely on the ground, the barrel of the rifle swinging in the direction the shots had come from.

I flung myself back against the van. People were screaming and yelling from the hospital entrance, Todd was cowering at my feet, the janitor was firing off deafening shots but I ignored all that as I fumbled frantically for my walkie-talkie. 'Newbie? Newbie! Come in! _Newbie!'_

There was silence, and I froze, gripping the walkie-talkie, staring at nothing.

Why wasn't he answering?

He had been cut off so suddenly...

And then I was running, sprinting past the janitor, who was still firing, past the people with more guns who had come running out of the hospital to help him, over Stanley's body - he was a goner - and up the corridor, forcing my feet to pound faster against the carpet, faster, _run faster_...

I was through the door to the stairwell and leaping up it, leaving behind the cries behind me - _Doctor Cox? What's going on? What's happening? - _and taking the stairs two at a time, seeing nothing but the image in my head of Newbie lying on the cold roof, dying alone. My head was so taken up with the image that I passed flight after flight without realising, until abruptly the door to the roof was in front of me. I flung it open, staggering out onto the roof.

Newbie was lying on his back by the wall. Numb with horror, I stumbled towards him. There was blood, he was bleeding. 'No, no, no,' someone was gasping, and I dimly realised that it was me. 'Newbie! Newbie!' I bent over him, grabbed him by the shoulders, and shook him hard, barely aware of what I was doing.

'OW!' Newbie yelled at me.


	2. Chapter 2

_'How's it looking, Newbie?' _came Doctor Cox's voice over the walkie-talkie.

'All clear!' I replied cheerfully. I was leaning on the wall of the roof, looking down at the parking lot, where Doctor Cox and the janitor had just gotten out of the van. I saw Doctor Cox looking up at me and I waved, but he turned away.

He hadn't really torn into me all that badly while we'd been conversing over the walkie-talkies, but I knew that he'd been focusing on the job he had to do; once he got into the hospital he would be storming up here at once to drag me down by the scruff of the neck. Every since this whole nightmare had started a year ago, he'd somehow managed to intervene every time I was going to take part in anything that was remotely dangerous. I wasn't allowed to go out on raids, I wasn't allowed to be on guard either on the roof or outside the hospital...I wasn't hardly even allowed to treat sick people, never mind that I was, you know, a doctor.

A year ago, I would have thought it was because he cared about me. Or I would have pretended to believe that, anyway. I'd become disillusioned with many things this past year; now I wasn't really sure what Doctor Cox's motive in protecting me was, unless it was to make me resent him. If so, it was working.

I lifted my chin, appreciating the fresh breeze, while still scanning the streets below. Doctor Kelso had never approved of Doctor Cox keeping me inside the hospital at any cost, and this morning had been quick to order me up to the roof to keep watch. I wasn't complaining. Sometimes I slipped away up here anyway, to pretend that it was just a normal day at the hospital and I was taking a quick break, getting some air. There wasn't really anything up here to remind me of all that had happened up. Apart from the deathly quiet of the city around me. And at night, the utter blackness, not even a single street lamp glowing in the distance.

But what was Doctor Cox worried about? There was hardly some sniper setting his sights on me right at this very moment. There wasn't a single person to be -

My head snapped to the left, registering a movement on the ground below. It took me a moment to catch sight of what had grabbed my attention, but then I saw a man, running at full speed across the road towards the parking lot entrance. And another guy, heading in the same direction. And they had guns.

And the others were obliviously unloading the van, in no great hurry.

My heart stopped for one brief second; in that short time my muscles locked. My mind went blank and I couldn't remember how to move. But then I shook myself out of it and was yelling into the walkie-talkie before I even registered what I was saying.

'Doctor Cox! Doctor Cox! There's a man running, I mean two, two men, they've got - '

BANG.

For a moment I thought the world had exploded; my vision was full of flying shards of black plastic, stinging my skin in a thousand different places. I couldn't see, couldn't hear, didn't even know if I was standing or not in the moment of raw panic that filled me then. _Oh my God, my face, I've been shot in the face!_

My back hit the ground, and in the next instant so did my head, bouncing off the concrete with a sharp crack. Grey sky was pressing down on me. My hands instinctively flew to the back of my head, and I groaned at the aching, mind-numbing throb that washed through my brain. But there was a sharper pain searing in my shoulder. I fumbled towards the pain and felt wetness; I held up a shaking hand in front of my eyes, and could dimly make out the glistening red of blood. Numbness was creeping over me now, and my next thought was distant: _Oh. I _have _been shot._

I didn't know what happened after that. I probably passed out momentarily; the cloudy sky dimmed and brightened, and dimmed and brightened again, like someone was messing with a light switch. Dark splotches blurred my vision. I blinked slowly. The pain was receding, and I felt oddly weightless. I was drifting, drifting off the ground to float up into those soft clouds, leaving everything and everyone behind me -

There was suddenly a very familiar voice yelling, strong hands were gripping my shoulders and I was brought back to earth with a crash. Oh my God, the PAIN.

'OW!' I yelled. Doctor Cox leaped away from me as if he'd been electrocuted. Moaning through my gritted teeth, I half-rolled onto my side, clutching my left shoulder. I could feel the blood seeping between my fingers. The skin burned as if someone had applied a white-hot poker there. _Make it stop, make it stop! _

'Aaaarrrghh...'

'Newbie?'

I twisted my head to the side, gasping in pain. 'What are you _doing_?' I choked out. 'You're a doctor! Why would you _grab_ a gunshot wound?'

'Don't you dare be a smartass with me, Newbie.' Doctor Cox's voice shook slightly, but colour was returning to his face. 'Let me see.'

'Don't grab it again!'

'I won't.' His fingers were more gentle this time as he examined my shoulder. I clenched my eyes shut, breathing shallowly, trying to think cold thoughts to distract me from the awful burning. After several painful minutes, I heard Doctor Cox exhale loudly. 'Okay,' he said. 'It's okay. The bullet didn't even go in; it just split open the top of your shoulder. You got lucky.'

'Yeah, real lucky.' I rested my head against the concrete. The sky was still spinning slightly above me. My head was pounding where I'd hit it. 'I feel dizzy...'

'Calm down, Felicity, you're not losing _that _much blood. Can you stand up?'

'No.'

'Well then, just sit tight for a minute until you feel ready, because there's no way I'm carrying you downstairs.'

I sighed, and remained lying motionless on my back. Doctor Cox got to his feet and went to the wall. I saw him looking down, briefly assessing the situation, before calling, 'Well?'

Someone shouted back up to him, but the words were too faint for me to make out past the buzzing in my ears. Doctor Cox came and knelt by my side again. 'What's going on?' I said. 'What happened?'

He grimaced and rocked back on his heels, running his hands through his hair. 'Was it just the two guys you saw? Was there anyone else?'

'No...' I tried to remember what had passed only five minutes ago. Already it seemed like an hour. 'It was just the two guys, I think. Are they dead?'

'Yeah. Of course, that means that they can't tell us anything.' He looked pained. 'I'd have warned the others to capture them if they could, not kill them, if I hadn't been busting a gut tearing up here to save your sorry ass. I guess you were too busy swooning and rolling around on the ground to think of telling me over the walkie-talkie that you were alive, but then again, I wouldn't really expect that to have occurred to you.'

I glared at him in irritation. 'First of all, my ass didn't _need_ saving, I'm fine. Second, are you blind? My walkie-talkie is lying in pieces all over the roof! One of those guys shot it...I guess that was when they got my shoulder as well.'

'Oh.' Doctor Cox sounded surprised. After a moment he said, 'Are you sure it was one of the guys you saw running who shot you?'

Everything was so blurry and fuzzy already. I'd simply been in a state of panic, my vision clouded as I'd looked from the strangers to my friends and back again. I could barely recall the incident now. I swallowed. 'No.'

We looked at each other.

'Fantastic,' Doctor Cox said. 'I think it's about time we got downstairs.' Without waiting for me to reply he slipped an arm underneath my shoulders and pulled me to my feet.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

It took us a while to make it down the stairs. Newbie was as limp as a rag doll and kept stumbling over his own feet. I was practically carrying him, my arms wrapped tightly around his waist as he staggered along. When his feet went from underneath him for the third time I shook him and shouted that if he wasn't going to at least make an effort, then I was just going to leave him here on the stairs. After that he tried a little harder to support himself, but he was still leaning heavily into me.

I hauled him into the first hospital room we came to. It was dim and dirty; cardboard had been taped haphazardly over the window and the hospital bed was thick was dust. Probably no one had even been in here for a year. I wasn't going to abandon Newbie in here; all that dust definitely wasn't going to do an open wound any favours. I grabbed an old wheelchair that had been left in there and shoved him into it.

I didn't say anything as I wheeled him down towards what had once been the ICU; it was now the sleeping quarters for mostly everyone. Apart from the ground floor, most other areas of the hospital had been abandoned. Once we emerged into the light, bright area, people immediately swarmed around us, gasping and fussing over Newbie. Barbie was there, her eyes wide as she exclaimed loudly and tried to push her way to Newbie's side. I whistled, and her eyes snapped up to meet mine. I pointed at her. 'Get him stitched up,' I said loudly over the babble. She nodded, looking afraid. 'And for God's sake get the wound as clean as possible!' I clapped a hand on Newbie's shoulder. 'You'll be lucky to escape infection from this, Janet. It's not like we have any antibiotics left that we can pump into you.'

'Thanks, I feel so much better,' Newbie replied weakly. I strode off, leaving him in the less than capable hands of Barbie, and headed downstairs again. People were milling about in small groups, chattering excitedly about what had just passed, but there was no sign of Jordan or Carla. When I reached the ground floor and headed towards the exit that led to the parking lot, the light in the corridor was being gradually blocked off as others worked to pile up the barricades once more; the supplies must have all been brought in safely by now.

A covered body was lying just inside the door; Gandhi was standing beside it. His expression was solemn as I approached. 'There wasn't anything I could have done,' he said. 'He was dead by the time I got down here.'

I exhaled slowly and closed my eyes, clasping my hands behind my head. I had liked Stanley. He had always been cheerful, despite the grim faces surrounding him day after day, and I had never found it in myself to get sarcastic at all with him. Now he was gone.

'But where the hell did you go?' Gandhi was saying. 'I came down here, and people were saying you just ran off.' I opened my eyes. He was staring at me. 'Were you...trying to get away or something?'

I let out a sharp bark of a laugh. 'Excuse me? You think I was running because I was _scared_?' I _had _been running because I was scared, but not in the way he thought, and there was not a chance that I would ever admit that. 'Please, Gandhi, give me more credit!'

'Okay, why _were_ you running?'

'Because...' I hesitated. Gandhi obviously didn't know about Newbie. I really didn't want to break the news to him; I had a feeling that I was about to witness a freak-out of epic proportions. I decided to try to break it as gently as I could. 'The guy who was keeping guard on the roof got shot too.'

'WHAT?' If Gandhi managed to look any more shocked, then his eyeballs would pop out and roll away. 'You're kidding! Who was it?'

I braced myself. 'Newbie.'

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

Once Gandhi had paled, choked and taken off to find Newbie, I simply stood there for a moment, looking down at Stanley's body. It felt wrong to just leave him lying here. But there was nothing more I could do, he had no family here - they had all died - and the janitor or someone would be coming along soon to put him into the van and leave him somewhere in the city, or maybe outside it. He would just be dumped, with no funeral and no burial. It was too risky to linger anywhere outside the hospital. With a sick, angry feeling in my heart I turned away, deciding to go back to Newbie and check up on him.

It was uncharacteristically silent in the ICU. Those who were still there were standing as if frozen in a game of statues, looks of shock on their faces. Some people were crying quietly. No one said a word to me. Gandhi must have told them about Stanley. I didn't meet anyone's gaze as I made my way towards Newbie's room.

I heard his voice as I went to the door. 'Check out the scar, Turk.'

'Cool, man,' Gandhi said. 'Chicks dig scars.'

'They don't if you're a big pile of dead,' I said, leaning in the doorway. Newbie was lying on the bed, shirtless; Barbie was leaning over his shoulder, in the middle of stitching it up. The wound looked raw and red. Carla and Gandhi were sitting on the end of the bed, watching me. 'That's some God-awful work there, Barbie, but it'll pass. I guess all we can do now is wait for the ol' infection to set in.'

Newbie looked scared.

'It's not guaranteed that he's going to get an infection,' Carla said sternly, fixing me with the evil eye. 'So will you give Bambi a break?'

'Doctor Cox said there's n-no antibiotics left,' Newbie stammered.

'Oh, _did_ he?'

'Well.' I shrugged. 'No one really knows what's left of the medical supplies, so I couldn't actually say.'

Carla shook her head. 'Isn't it time that someone drew up an inventory of what we have left?'

'Come on, Carla,' I said softly. 'You know as well as I do why no one will do that. They don't want to have to face that fact that we might be running out of _everything _pret-ty soon.'

She looked away, and Gandhi squeezed her hand. Barbie was motionless by Newbie's shoulder, her lower lip trembling as if she was about to cry.

There was a silence.

'C'mon, guys,' Newbie said suddenly. 'We're still alive right? We're better off than most people. We've got food, and warmth, and a whole hospital to live in. I think we're doing okay.'

I looked at Newbie in disbelief. It would never fail to shock me that even after all he'd been through this past year, even after getting _shot_, that he could sit on that bed with a chalk-white face and dried blood caked on his shoulder and still grin and be so infuriatingly optimistic. I wanted to strangle him.

But it seemed to lift his friends' spirits. Carla and Gandhi looked at each other and smiled slightly, and Barbie patted Newbie's arm before continuing to fix up his shoulder. His face was tight with pain, but he grinned at her anyway.

'You just keep telling yourself that, Newbie,' I muttered, shuddering at the sickly sugar-sweet atmosphere he had created. 'Anyway, I hope you've learned your lesson.' I spun on my heel towards the door, but he called angrily, 'What lesson?'

I turned back and pointed my finger at him. All the anger that had been welling up inside me, ever since I'd realised that Newbie was on the roof, that he'd been shot, that Stanley was dead, was refusing to stay contained any longer. 'I told you to stay off the damn roof, didn't I? Now look at the state of you!'

'It could've happened to anyone.' Newbie's voice trembled. 'I was keeping a look out as best I could, this wasn't my fault! I didn't see those guys till it was too late, I couldn't have...I couldn't have saved Stanley.' Now he was faltering fearfully, the self-doubt beginning to sink in. 'I couldn't have...'

Barbie and Gandhi were looking at him in concern; Carla was glaring at me furiously, mouthing, _What are you doing? _I sighed. I should have known that Newbie would take it this way; I hadn't meant to imply that he was responsible for Stanley's death.

Although...I wondered if pretending that I did think he could have saved Stanley would keep him off the roof from now on. But I looked at his tear-filled eyes and decided that I wouldn't stoop to that. Yet.

'That's not what I meant, Newbie,' I said, just managing to bite back my impatience. 'I'm saying, when you put yourself in danger like that, there are consequences.'

'I get it,' he shouted. 'Why are you so set on keeping me locked up in the hospital like I'm Jack's age? Turk's always outside on guard duty, Carla and Elliot have been up on the roof loads of times, but for some reason _I'm_ not allowed! And what about you? You were out on a raid today! You're the one with a wife and son. I don't even have anyone - I'm the one who should be putting my life on the line, I have nothing to lose!'

There was absolute silence. Newbie was staring at me, his face flushed, and breathing fast; the others were frozen, all looking towards me. I only held Newbie's gaze for several minutes, and then I sighed.

'And there it is.'

Newbie blinked at me, looking confused as well as angry now.

'There's a reason I keep you out of dangerous situations, Newbie,' I said. 'And if you can't figure it out, then maybe you should get your friends to clue you in.' By now I was tired of him, tired of everything, and left before he could get another word in.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello all! I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while; starting university has just been insane. I hardly get any time to myself, and it's only going to get worse because last week I joined TEN societies. (What was I thinking??) So, not much opportunity for fic-writing. But you guys are so great with reviewing that I decided I'd post another chapter. This chapter is quite mellow - I thought I'd give the characters a bit of a break to calm down - and shorter than I'd intended, but I felt like it ended in the right place. So enjoy, please keep up with your lovely reviews, and I'll try to get the next chapter written soon.**

Jordan was waiting for me in our room, sitting on the two single mattresses pushed together that served as our bed. Jack was napping beside her, his thumb stuck in his mouth. She got to her feet as I entered and shut the door behind me. I pulled her into a long, lingering kiss.

She sighed softly, pulling away. 'I heard what happened.'

'Yeah.' I went to sit on the bed, and she lowered herself down beside me; I put my arms around her and we both leaned back against the pillows. I reached out to stroke the hair of my sleeping son.

Neither of us said anything for a few minutes; then she asked, 'How's DJ?'

'He'll live.'

'Is that his blood on your shirt?'

'Yep.'

'Aren't you going to talk to me?'

'I am talking.'

'Perry, I liked it just fine when we were an emotionally closed-off couple and the extent of expressing our feelings was saying how Jack was a great little kid, but right now I think we need to actually _talk _to each other about what's going on.'

I just kept stroking Jack's hair, keeping my eyes fixed on his peaceful face.

'Well?' Jordan pressed. 'Come on, I know all this is about DJ. Do you really think no one notices when you go out of your way to keep him out of trouble? You've been worried sick about him ever since this whole thing began, you pansy.'

I was glad at that moment that she was leaning against my shoulder and couldn't see my face. 'If you think for one second that I give a crap about that sexually confused little - '

Jordan snorted loudly. 'Please, drop the bad-guy act! You're not doing yourself any favours. Don't you realise that pretending you don't care about him only makes you seem more pathetic? Look at you, Per. I know it's killing you that in a few days we could have all been sitting around and telling ourselves that DJ had a great life.'

I closed my eyes. 'He hasn't had a great life at all, Jordan,' I said hoarsely. 'He's twenty-eight years old, three years out of med school, and look at all that's happened to him.'

Jordan was quiet for a minute as she thought about this. 'Well, long as we're being all weepy and emotional...I know it's hard for you, Perry. I know you wanted more for him.'

Yes, I had wanted more for him.

It still ached to remember what had been a year before all this madness had started. Jordan and I had had a baby together, I was approaching something like happiness, Newbie had just been the same old goofy kid and going out with Tasty Coma Wife, Jamie, and Carla and Gandhi were engaged to be married. It hadn't seemed to me back then that anything would change; and if I _had_ thought that change was around the corner, nothing could have prepared me for what came next.

Only a short time later we had been left standing in an almost-empty hospital, the remnants of our former lives irreparable, our futures shattered. Carla and Gandhi would never get married. Barbie wouldn't have her baby. And Newbie, who'd had so much ambition, had...nothing.

I hadn't realised until then that I'd wanted so much for him.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

'JD, I'm really not sure I want you doing this.'

'Don't worry. It'll look fantastic, I promise. Anyway, you got to sew up my shoulder, so it's my turn to do something for you.'

'But what if you - '

'What if I what? Cut off your ear?'

'I honestly wouldn't be surprised.' But Elliot took a deep breath and shut her eyes. I cautiously raised the scissors and set them to the front piece of her hair. It was just hair, right? How hard could this be?

I squeaked and closed my eyes too, and cut.

'Snip!' I said triumphantly, opening my eyes in time to see the blond lock of hair fall away. But Elliot was now staring at me.

'JD, _did you have your eyes closed_?'

'So? All...all of the best hairdressers do that.'

Elliot moaned. 'I should have just let Carla put that bowl over my head and start cutting around it.'

I continued to cut at Elliot's bangs and the end of her hair, more confident now. At least it was a distraction from the fiery pain still present in my shoulder. The pain wasn't as bad as it could have been, though. Maybe someone had given me morphine when I hadn't been paying attention. Wow, maybe I _shouldn't_ be using scissors near someone's face. 'I thought you wanted to grow out your bangs?'

'I did, before.' She looked away. 'But a few months after everything, I saw that my bangs were almost gone, and I just wanted them back the way they were before. I felt like if I could keep just one thing the same as it was, then I could stay sane. I'm probably not making sense...'

'No, I understand,' I said quietly.

'It's a pity we couldn't find you some hair gel,' Elliot joked.

I didn't reply as I kept snipping. Elliot was good at putting on a brave facade, but I'd heard her crying in her room more than once. Until then, I hadn't realised a person could sob so hard.

There was silence for a minute or two as I worked my way around Elliot's hair, restoring her bangs and trimming the ends at the back. Elliot's lips were pursed and she was frowning slightly, lost in thought.

'So, uh...' I struggled to keep my voice casual. 'Are you gonna tell me what Doctor Cox meant?'

'Um...' She sounded nervous. 'What?'

'You know what I'm talking about, Elliot.' I laid down the scissors and took her face in my hands, turning it towards mine. 'He said that you and Turk and Carla know why he insists on treating me like I'm a child.'

'JD, I swear I'm as ignorant as you when it comes to the inner workings of Doctor Cox's mind,' she said seriously.

I dropped my hands from her face and leaned back on the pillows, heaving a sigh. 'I didn't really expect you to tell me, anyway.'

'I promise I don't know,' she whispered.

I closed my eyes.

'How's...how's your shoulder?'

'Sore.'

'I'll get you some painkillers.'

'Okay.'

I felt her lightly kiss my cheek before she left.

''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

The sky was darkening outside the hospital and Jordan took Jack down to the cafeteria, where someone had cooked up a vat of soup. I didn't bother joining them. No one was ever sure what exactly went into the soup, and I felt slightly queasy anyway. Almost everyone had gone for dinner, and the ICU was empty as I wandered aimlessly around, my hands dug into my pockets. It was getting hard to see in the darkness, but we couldn't switch on any of the solar-powered lamps until the blackout curtains had been put up.

A tall figure loomed out of the dimness in front of me. It was the janitor. He was absently rubbing a mop at a spot on the floor in front of him.

'From guns to mops, huh?' I said.

The janitor didn't say anything, just kept moving the mop over that same spot.

I paused for a moment, assessing his expression, or rather the lack of it. His face was completely blank. 'Were you the one who shot those two guys?'

His expression didn't change. 'Yeah.'

'Well...good job,' I said awkwardly.

He raised his eyebrows and shrugged. 'So everyone tells me. Have you ever killed someone?'

'Not yet.'

We looked at each other for a minute, and then he started to mop the floor again, avoiding my gaze. 'Killing people isn't really my thing,' he said casually. 'I'll stick to mopping.'

'Even when you're not even using any water?'

The janitor didn't reply, but I saw him close his eyes. I had never been so relieved in my life when I heard my name being called and I could turn away from him. Carla and Barbie were coming up the corridor towards me. They were striding purposefully, their eyes narrowed. I had a feeling that I wasn't going to enjoy what was coming next.

I folded my arms. 'Well, if it isn't the two harpies, zoning in on their prey.'

'What the hell, Doctor Cox?' Barbie burst out angrily.

Carla and I looked at her.

'So you deny that you are in fact a bit of a harpy, then, in the face of all evidence?' I said. 'Interesting.'

Barbie puffed out a breath, blowing a bang away from her face. Had her hair gotten shorter? 'Why did you tell JD that we know why you're acting like a mother hen towards him? Because we don't! And he keeps asking us about it! What are we supposed to tell him?'

I eyed her carefully. '_Please_ tell me that you did not just compare me to a mother hen, Barbie.'

Her mouth snapped shut and she suddenly looked very nervous.

Carla, unhappily, was not quite so easily intimidated. 'You've got some explaining to do,' she said coldly. 'None of us have any idea what you're talking about and JD thinks we're holding things back from him. Are you _trying_ to get him to work himself into a state in his condition?'

I looked at both of them. 'So you're honestly telling me that you have no idea why I keep him inside the hospital all the time?'

Two wide pairs of eyes, one brown, one blue, stared back at me. 'No!'

'Very well then.' I hopped up onto the counter of what had once been the nurses' station and swung my legs back and forth. Carla and Barbie exchanged a quick glance before turning back to me. I leaned back on my hands. 'I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that you both remember Tasty Coma Wife?'

Barbie's eyes closed briefly and her shoulders stiffened. 'Doctor Cox, could you please not call her that?' she said softly.

I was about to snap at her, or make a joke, but one look at Carla's expression halted that particular train of thought. '_Fine_,' I said with exaggerated impatience. 'Jamie, or whatever her name was.' Barbie's eyes were beginning to tear up. It was always a mistake to try to have a serious conversation with her. One mention of all that had happened and she started to weep. Didn't she get that a lot of people had died and if we never mentioned any of them then we'd pretty much be talking about nothing else but the weather for the rest of our lives?

'Hold back the waterworks for a few minutes,' I said warningly. She gulped and sniffed, but nodded. 'Anyway, Jamie. _Yes, very sad, but that's life, Barbie. _Do you remember what Newbie was like when she got sick?'

The glance that they shared was more tremulous this time. Carla was blinking hard.

'He was...distraught,' Barbie whispered, her lower lip trembling violently. I couldn't blame her, really. Those terrible days when people were dying left, right and center, when any of us could have become ill at any time – it was a miracle none of us had – were just a blur in my mind. But through the haziness pierced several sharp, painful images of Newbie curled in on himself in agony as his girlfriend lay dying in a hospital bed. I shoved the mental pictures away. I didn't like looking at them.

'Okay,' I said slowly. My grasp on my patience was tenuous. This was like talking to a pair of five-year-olds. 'And after Jamie died? What was he like then?'

Now they were uncomprehending, looking confused. 'He was...' Carla began, and then abruptly fell silent.

'Sad,' Barbie said quickly. 'He was sad.'

'C'mon!' I replied, angry now. 'Sad? Give me a break. Did either of you ever see him crying? Or angry? Or unable to even talk? Did you see him acting like any other person who had just lost somebody? Because we sure saw enough of them.'

'He...' Carla said uncertainly. 'He got over it pretty quickly.'

'Yeah,' Barbie agreed. 'He was just the same old JD, nearly.'

They both stared at me for several long moments, their expressions both earnest and scared. I couldn't help but grin bitterly. 'You think he _got over it_? Listen to yourselves! Once Jamie died, Newbie just snapped closed. He never reacted, he never grieved. _Ever_. What kind of person goes back to their old, cheerful self like that right after his girlfriend has just died?Newbie's just about holding it together now, and always has been. I don't know how long he can pretend to himself and everybody else that he's over it. All I know is that the kid is a big pot of bubbling crazy inside, and that everyone snaps at some point or other. So, now you know. That's the reason I keep him inside this hospital, and out of dangerous situations, because with him, it could happen at any time.'


End file.
